All my life Ive learned heard and thought that sharing is a damn good deed and when we do it we feel really good. But to tell you the truth sharing is not my thing, I just can’t give my possessions, my things to others, I just can’t. They are mine not anyone else’s.
When I was a kid, (well now u may find it hard to believe that I am not a kid now =P) I found it very hard to lend my favorite eraser or a pencil even to my best friends. I would get them new ones instead, but I really couldn’t give those which were mine, to them. And now with age this attachment with things and now with people is getting so intense that I get worried some times… what is I loose them… that’s my greatest fear.
The thing is I fall in love with everything that’s mine even if it’s just a piece o paper. I hav very old memories hidden in my closet, papers, cards and wrappers, things I cant loose, things which are really important to me even if looks like crap to others.
Neways the reason im writing this post is that im pissed. Looks like ill hav to share sumthing permanently now, my friends. I mean im sharing them right now and I think m doing a good job but gradually and slowly all of them are meeting people they are getting more close to... Im scared. I dun wanna b alone. I won’t hav anyone and they will all leave me.
Can u imagine how m feeling right now? Imagine then, a girl who in nursery kept a hawk eye on the classmate sitting next to her who borrowed her fav pencil, now has to share people she loves so much, and she can’t even keep an eye on them. =’(
I get very rude with my friends when they talk about “others”. I just want my friends to be mine and I dun wanna stop them from being happy too. I want them to be happy, yes I do, but the thing is I DUN WANNA SHARE!!!
Im such an insecure, rude and selfish friend… and I can’t help it.
=(
I need help.
